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South-East Asian games officially not going great

Organisers of the 30th South-East Asian games have officially apologised after football teams were made to sleep on the floor, lack of halal food, and athletes going hungry.

Alan Cayetano, chair of the games tried to remedy the situation by saying “sorry”. Alas without offering any concrete plans on how to fix anything.

Half of all local netizens have been slamming the organisation, whilst the other accuse them of not being unpatriotic.

Singapore’s chief mission, Juliana Seow basically released a statement saying “sort your shit out”, with Vietnam piping in by complaining about the tiny food portions.

To add insult to injury no one knows the score of the opening football match between Burma and Malaysia, as there wasn’t even a scoreboard.

President Duterte has distanced himself from the chaos and instead placed the blame squarely at the feet of Cayetano. Rumours of drug pushers, and users of e-cigarettes also being blamed are as yet unconfirmed, but expected imminently.

The only winners so far see be the people working in the bars of Fields Avenue. One either who refused to be named stated “athletes make a great change from bald elderly Australians”.

Whilst freelancers have reportedly asked authorities not to rescue them until at least the latter stages of the tournaments.

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