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Angeles Coronavirus Survival Guide

After being given the princely sum of 72 hours to escape Angeles City via the few flights that still leave from Clark, there are probably more than a few lonely gentlemen left in bleak hotels wondering just where things went wrong. Having personally survived a quarantine, I feel I am uniquely equipped to help you dodge this self-imposed minefield.

Here’s how to survive coronavirus in Angeles City.

Visit 7-11 ( a lot) in Angeles

7-11 in The Philippines is amazing, they have great sandwiches, hot food, and the coronavirus savior ramen noodles. Noodles will always stay fresh. They also have cheap drinks, and this would be as good a time as any to become an alcoholic.

Wear a mask

In a lot of western countries wearing a face-mask essentially makes you a leper, the masks are there to protect you and others around you. Don’t be a knob, either wear one or don’t go out. Should you wear a face-mask during sex? It all depends on how you look I guess……

Actually follow the rules. Don’t socialise in Angeles

China has largely beat this, yes they were heavy handed, but you don’t make an omelet without cracking a few eggs as they say. The more you cheat, the faster it spreads. Don’t help foster anti-foreigner sentiment. This is not the flu, despite what idiots on Facebook say.

Subscribe to Netflix

I personally recommend Shark Tank as my go to show, but each and all to their own.

Avoid mixing with elderly people

This means that Old Flaming Bar should be avoided at all costs. These ladies have grand-children to feed.

Don’t abuse the situation in Angeles City

There are enough people already suffering in the Philippines, and Angeles City, this is not the time to abuse the situation. Show humanity with whoever you are bargaining with, and for whatever service you are bargaining for.

And that is our handy bit sized, if not somewhat flippant guide to serving coronavirus in Angeles City……

Good luck y’all.

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